UFO: Big Foot— Phontos the last Chican

As some of you know I am interested in the preservation of Big Foot whose name is Phontos the last Chican. Here is what I know about Big Foot (preferably Phontos) from my association with this mystical fellow (you can read more at the references below).
● glowing black eyes
● black nose like a polar bear
● smells like my wet dog after climbing out of irrigation canal
● can levitate
● steals food from campers
● often mistaken for a bear
● uses essence of Skunk when working the winters as the swamp ape
● is sick of eating roots and nuts
● has been on earth for 300 years
● is the only Chican left
● will die in few hundred years destroying much of NW tourist trade
● likes my UFO articles because they spark interest and allow him to steal more food from campers
● leaves tracks only when he wants to
● recycles his own scat (a negative trait to the Hack Writer)
● in summer sleeps in trees or on top of a mountain where he can study the cosmos
● in cold weather he moves into the Fostoria, Oregon public library where he has read every book except those by Danielle Steel
● in the dead of winter he lives in Florida and works as the Swamp Ape
● reads Danielle Steel books in summer when he buys them at yard sales
● fits right into yard sales with "those creepy crawlers"
● had an affair with a Mapinguary with whom a Chican can breed but was rejected in 1876

We of the Snake River Chapter for the Preservation of Big Foot hope you will join in our efforts.
Read the article at http://ezinearticles.com/?UFO:-Big-Foot---Phontos-the-Last-Chican&id=466577
Taylor Jones the Hack Writer