What's Grandpa Jones Cooking Up?

Nothing but wind here in Idaho right now. The neighbor's cows are flying past my window. Well, no matter! The price of milk is lower than a earthworm's hole.

I'm still doing the cooking around here. My wife retired from cooking 15 years ago when I retired from doing whatever engineers do. She does whip me up some French toast once in a while. I don't like to eat before about 2-3:00 P.M. which she thinks is unhealthy. You know, the Good Breakfast theory. Snakes eat once a month! Look how loonnnnngggg they live.

Do you know anybody that likes liver and onions? Sometimes men do. The only way they can get it is to go out for it. They usually have to call the eatin' joint first to make sure they have it that day.

I think liver is the most vile stuff. In fact, because I've had heart surgery twice and have the aortic valve of a benevolent hog, it is on my forbidden food list.

When I was a boy, I learned to eat liver. It was the only way I could get enough meat. My mother's liver was like shoe leather because she knew you should try to cook it to death, anything to destroy it. But dad liked his liver and onions. My six siblings hated it. But I knew that if I could only learn to eat it, like it or not, I could get enough meat that one day. So, I just started eating it. Ugh!

My friend, Don, runs the local market. He puts outdated stuff in these carts and you can grab things at half price. There are always some good sauces in there good for marinating things. Sauces have expiration dates on them, but don't they just get better with age? You can't hurt noodles either and most of the other stuff in Don's discount carts.

Well, I've been cooking liver and onions with some of those marinates. Even though I'm not allowed liver and onions, I just have to have it about once a year. That is all there is to it!

My wife is normal so she absolutely hates liver. She always says, "I'm not going to eat that stuff!" Well, I cook away and put the liver in front of her and she gobbles it down saying, "That was delicious!"

Well, it isn't delicious. That is not a word for liver. The word is obnoxious.

Why does my wife love my liver and onions? Because I disguise it. The liver itself, still tastes like crap, but she doesn't notice that fact. Her taster is not as good as mine.

Well, got to be moseying along. Got to help the neighbor find his cows!

John
Taylor Jones the Hack Writer